My Heart

As I sit to write this I hear the word HONESTY ringing in my head. I have always valued honesty. I have always felt I am an honest person and expect others to be honest with me. I guess that is why I appreciate it when someone comes directly to me to discuss differences, or just ask for honest answers.

Recently that happened, a dear friend who has known me for a great many years asked me to come and talk. I was apprehensive when I sat down, but within a few short minutes I was feeling better. We talked about years past; the struggles we had been through. The encouragement each have given to the other over the years. We spoke of feelings of loss and abandonment, of learning how to protect ones self by keeping others at a distance. It was a time of clarity and also the reopening of painful memories. It always amazes me how much of our lives is shared with others, especially good friends.

I was reminded today of what it is to be responsible to others, not just ones self. What it is to feel called to a purpose and how one can lose sight of that. I struggled to explain my decisions. I know what I feel, I know to whom I have given my heart and I must now reconcile my life with that choice.

I will always struggle to do what is right, and follow my heart.

Anticipation

Sometimes it seems as though I have been waiting for this day for a very long time, in reality it has only been a short time. However the anticipation was short lived. I looked to this day as one with answers; one that would finally settle my mind and tell me what the future would hold. It did not.

Oh it was by far not a bad day, but still one without answers. You see yesterday was the end of an era and today was to be the beginning. Philip would finally know where he would go. He does have a sort of understanding if you will, but can't begin to make any plans as of yet. He did receive answers to many of his questions concerning his position with the new company, however we still do not know if he will be working out of my hometown. Well so much for anticipation and all that one hopes for.

I think if I was not experiencing my own work overload I would be much more stressed than I am. I have climbed on the back to school rollercoaster and I am now just holding on for dear life. We are up and running on a fast pace to have everything ready for the first day of school. We know that things will come together, they always do, but it is an exhausting experience. Anyway I feel somewhat deflated, but somehow I will continue to just play the game of wait and see. Until tomorrow.

Camp Goody Ends this weekend.

Caitlyn and Silvia have come to visit as well, and they are not yet ready for time alone at Camp Goody so they have brought Mom along for a stay. They are now quite the pair of entertainers and thanks to their dear sweet aunt, comics. They are giving their impression of a bad hair day. Give them a year or two and they will be ready for Camp Goody!




Ethan has not quite mastered the pool float, but he loves trying. He has enjoyed attending summer camp with Goody at school, but he is not yet ready for a full day. He loves arts and crafts and the playground is also a favorite. As camp comes to an end we have had a lot of fun and I have enjoyed getting to know my grandchildren a little better and they I. I did not get to see my Grandma B often but she was my favorite because she made life fun. I hope I have done that a little for my little ones. Until Camp Goody 2007 Adios!

Camp Goody

This is the second summer that my grandson Ethan has come to spend a week at Camp Goody. Camp Goody is named so because Ethan calls me his Goody. We try to fit in as much fun as possible and also give his sweet mama a break. Ethan is a busy boy much like his father was. Anyway yesterday was spent swimming in a friends neighborhood pool, but I left the camera at home. Today we traveled to the Jacksonville Zoo where Ethan explored the new children's area. There is much fun to be had by all and he had a ball. We then headed to look at his favorites the monkey's.


Ethan in the water park on the dolphin!

Ethan made friends with the Bonobo's.

Even the gorilla was out and about today.

California Baker's

Mom and Dad have returned from a nice visit to my brothers house out in California. While there they attended my niece's high school graduation and final dance recital. They had a wonderful time and brought back some wonderful pictures and memories of a great visit. I am amazed how fast time flies, it just seems like Brittney was four and visiting Florida for the first time, or for that matter Allen and Tammy were here for their first trip here in June of 1985!

The Fourth of July

What is it about the fouth of July that just brings out the kid in us? I love it; it is by far my favorite holiday aside from Christmas. As a child it meant we were out of school, usually camping or visiting my Grandma in Texas. It meant cookouts and watermelon. Picnics with family and friends, games of volleyball, or horseshoes. Swimming at the beach, or pool, or lake or even just a run through the sprinkler. The festivities come in all shapes and sizes, but provides fun for all.

I love the fireworks. The excitement as you jump from the boom as it resounds off the tall downtown buildings. The colors that light the night sky. I love to hear the oooohs and aaaaaaahs of the crowd as each new pyrotechnic display explodes overhead.
This may sound crazy but even the smell of sulfur is ok on the fourth; it seems to hang in the night air long after the display ends. I am sure that some find it silly for a grown woman to find the fourth a favorite holiday, but I don't intend to let that dampen my enthusiasm. God Bless America! and Happy Fourth!

Immigration in terms even I can understand....

A lady wrote the best letter I have seen in the Editorials in ages!! It explains things better than all the stuff you hear on TV.

"Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the U.S might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country, and once here to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house)."

According to the protesters not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan and provide other benefits to me and to my family. My husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, (except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there. It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest .. Um, except for ... Well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being anti-housebreaker.

Did I miss anything? Does this sound reasonable to you? If it does, grab a sign and go picket something. If this sounds insane to you, call your senators and enlighten them, because they are stumbling in the darkness right now and really need your help.

Then and Now

This picture was taken in my Grandmother's house in 1960 of my Mom, Dad and older brother. Mom was expecting my sister...but I was not even a thought. I am amazed at how young they look, and happy too. My dad spent five years in the Air Force and when my sister was born he was in Korea.


This Picture was taken in April in the same spot, 46 years later. They still look happy don't they?

Happy Birthday to a dear friend. My friend Anne is a rare lady. She is truly happy and genuine. She drove from Atlanta to Jacksonville not too long ago, just because I needed a friend. I don't know of too many who would have done that; do you? She is a kind and giving person. She knows how to have fun and always makes sure all those around her are taken care of.

Life has not always been easy for Anne, she lost her Mom to breast cancer at age twelve and her father not all that long ago. But she makes the world a brighter place for those who know and love her. Thanks Anne and Happy Birthday.

The Great Smokey Mountains

This spectacular view is from the Highlands Condominiums above Gatlingburg Tennessee. I have just returned from a wonderful and relaxing vacation. I love the mountains, they bring back wonderful childhood memories and all the fun we had camping there. This was far from a camping trip with all the conviences of a full kitchen, cable TV and a jacuzzi, but all the same I took that trip down memory lane.

Our vacation began with a meandering trip through south and central Georgia up into Alabama and then into the Tennessee Mountains. I enjoyed meeting some of Philip's family and seeing the little town where Philip spent a great deal of his childhood. We had a nice visit with Patrick and saw the falls in Gadsden. I had a wonderful time at Biltmore House in Ashville as well. I think by far it was the quiet views from the balcony I enjoyed most and the beauty of God's creation.

Oh My, what have they done to my boy?

The grandchildren have come for a visit and I am soooooooooooooo glad to see them. But what a shock to see my beautiful Ethan wearing a mohawk!!! He is still my sweet boy....but a very busy one :). He is impressing me with letter recognition and all the new things he has learned!




Here is Ashlie and the girls. They are crawling and clapping and waving bye-bye. We must keep a close watch or they find trouble pretty quick. They are so very different in personality. They are indeed a joy to have around.

Life's ups and downs

We all experience them, however we still struggle when they come. We somehow think that life should be a continously positive journey. Struggles reveal character; and character is who we really are. I think lately I have experienced stuggles in abundance and I am not sure I like the character traits that have been revealed. I would love to be able to say that I am of strong, unquestionable character but in reality, I find myself lacking.

I remember years ago a friend told me she was going on a sabatical to sort out her life and I thought...why would anyone want to stop living to just go and think about it? I have now come to a place and an age where making the right choices seem more important than making quick choices. Sometimes we think we are where we have to be or for that matter where we want to be, just to realize we have made a mistake.

I have made many mistakes in my life but I do learn from them. I have always like the saying, "If you keep doing the same things you've always done, don't expect different results". There are no perfect people, I know that. We all are imperfect people in an imperfect world trying to make a difference. I feel a real contentment with my life, I know who I am and what I want and that brings a contentment. I know the ups and downs of life will keep on coming but that's ok. That's life.

Friends

This is a picture of my dear friends, Bill and Anne taken at a nice little country cookin' restaurant just north of Atlanta this weekend. I met Anne about 11 years ago when she brought the cutest little toehead to my class for preschool. This child is now 6'1" and wears a size 13 shoe.

Sometimes in life we find friends that just click. You seem to just enjoy each others company and know that if ever a need arises they are only a phone call away. That is Anne for me and Bill too for that matter. Good people who I am blessed to know. Thank God for good friends.

Life, love and commitment Part II

When I first began my blog I wrote on this subject, then through a glitch I lost my post. I began writing again but really did not rewrite the many posts lost. I have decided to revisit this subject for several reasons but mostly because I have strong personal feelings about each area.

Life; the Merriam Webster dictionary defines it as the following:

The quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body and the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual.

There of course are more, but for the purposes of this post I will stick with these. The quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body. I have known people that live as thought their life is over. They do nothing with the time they have. Never venture out to the land of the living or enjoy the beauty of the natural world. They live their lives through that little box in the family room, never daring to go out and attempt some of the things they see on it. For them life is truly a spectator sport. I see the sad, lonely and depressed and want to shout "get up, get out, and get moving!" That leads to the second definition, the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual. One must live life daily, it can not be watched but experienced! We all have the same amount of time each day and we can't get one second back after it has ticked away, so why not make a difference in the world you live in. Reach out and help someone, smile and speak to a perfect stranger. Tell those you love that you do love and appreciate them. Send flowers, write a love note, give a surprise gift. Each day is a series of snapshots of your life, one day when you are old and gray wouldn't it be nice to have albums of beautiful snapshots to see? The older I get the more I realize that age is truly just a number. People who love life and live each and everyday to its fullest regardless of hardships, aches and pains or the millions of other difficulties this world has, will always be young.

Love; I again reference the dictionary for the following:

Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

I am of the belief the love is a choice and that we can and do choose whom we fall in love with. I think God intended people to be involved in relationships. He placed each of us into a family unit and that is where little newborns grow and develop most normally. Our lives are a series of relationships, some good, some bad, but most a gift to enhance our lives. We have parents, siblings, and other extended family. We grow up fall in love; have children, grandchildren and on and on it goes. We find enjoyment in common interests and strong affection arising out of kinship or personal ties. Ain't love grand?

This leads me to my final point and that is commitment. Commitment is defined as:

an act of committing to a charge or trust: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially : an engagement to assume a obligation at a future date.

Commitment is one of those scary words. We all commit to things daily, a job, a way of life, God, however we find talking about commitment difficult. We have preconceived ideas on what it really means. I believe that in life it is the things we love and more so the things we commit to that make our lives more than mundane days. Love and commitment are what make life worth living.

A happy life

As I think of my youngest child getting married and beginning a family I think of all the things in life I would like her to know. First of all, I want her to know that a happy life depends on attitude. We choose to be happy and some days it is easy and other days we must work at it.

Always treat your spouse with kind of love and respect you would like to be treated with. Do the little things, a foot massage, a love note, a special meal and always take time to say I love you. Remember when you have a disagreement (and you will) don't go to bed angry. In life things change in the blink of an eye and you don't want your last words to be ones of anger.

Listen first, work hard to make yourself understood and if for some reason you don't succeed....try again. Winning an argument or getting the last word is NEVER important; maintaining a loving marriage is.

As parents you are a team. You are to support each other; never contradict the other one and especially in front of your children. Learn to have fun as a family; but take time to be a couple.

A happy life, has a strong foundation in faith. Read your bible together and pray together; pray for each other and remember your marriage is a covenant made before God and man. In this world we will have heartaches, but with God's blessing we have the strength of character to withstand even the most difficult of circumstances.

A bright future

This is a picture taken at Rachael's birthday party of both of my daughters and my future son in law, Chris. Grace and Chris are planning a late November, early December wedding and I am praying for a bright future for them both.




Here are Philip and I enjoying Rachael's birthday. I enjoy so much being with all my loved ones and this was a rare, but enjoyable day with them all! I think that we too have a bright future.

To my middle child; Happy 21st birthday Rachael!

Rachael is the one with the smile. She came into the world in a rush after only an hour of labor and me barely arriving at the hospital to give birth. She has grown into a thoughtful, intelligent young woman, whom never ceases to amaze me with her zest for life. My wish for her is to live a fulfilled and joyous life. Happy Birthday Rachael.

Life as a door mat

Lately life keeps coming faster than I can keep up with and I feel like I am hanging on for dear life. Today was one of those days where I wish I could step out of my life and find a completely new one. I love my job...but occassionally things come up that cause a great deal of stress and frustration.

I am tired. Tired of conflict and confrontation. Tired of talking folks, who know little of which they speak. I am tired of the frustration of wanting someone to think and feel as I do. But mostly I am tired of being me.

That might sound like a pity party and possibly so, but it is how I am feeling and I refuse to deny it. I am one of those people who believe you should always think of others first; but the sad fact is that when you do that...rarely do others do the same for you. I feel foolish and somewhat naive. That old cliche "nice guys finish last" seems so true. I wonder how one becomes a strong assertive person without being self centered and mean? I no longer wish to be a door mat, but I can't seem to get up and walk away.

Easter with the Grandbunnies!

Easter with Ethan, Caitlin and Silvia in new house in FWB, Florida!



Jason with the twins and Ethan.

Fear

How much of my life is ruled by fear? I care greatly what others think of me, I am a people pleaser. Which leads to a great deal of insecurity on my part. Sometimes I do nothing for fear of doing the wrong thing and appear apathetic to those who look to me for leadership. Sometimes I do to much because I want those around me to be comfortable and happy, even if it means I am not. I am obviously aware of my shortcomings but yet find no solution to this inadaquacy. I ask myself; "Are we to overcome our shortcomings or learn to survive in them?" I wish I knew.

I am still reading my book Captivating and finding so much to think through, I find glimpses of myself within its pages. I continue to find life's journey an exciting place and look forward to each new day.